How to Stop Judging Yourself by Suzaan Lane

Today I would like to start sharing some important keys of personal transformation with you. These keys are outlined in detail my e-book: 'The Image Keys to Personal Transformation’. The reality of our world is that we tend to ‘judge a book by its cover’. I will help you find out why we do this and how to stop doing this to each other, but most importantly, how to stop judging ourselves first.

“I believe the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity, is daring to dare” – Maya Angelou

The Primacy Effect

Research has proved that it takes less than 15 seconds to make a lasting first impression. This is known as the Primacy Effect, a term coined by Michael Shea. The more fast-paced our lives become, the quicker we form these value-judgments of each other. Corporate Image Consulting has become a multi-billion dollar industry, because of the Primacy Effect. Even outside of the office, we are being indoctrinated by the message that we need to dress to ‘fit in’, or else face rejection from those around us.

The Primacy Effect Unmasked

For years I have wanted to understand why we do this to each other, why can’t we not just let each other be? I’ve wanted to know how we could stop it, only to be told by many reputable sources such as psychologists, that this initial judgement of others was part of human nature.

Recently I found an answer, rooted in Metaphysics. The value judgement made by others, within 7- 15 seconds, in reality reflects the way we see ourselves, which is directly linked to the deep-seated beliefs we hold about ourselves. In our modern society, the media as well as the fashion and beauty industries, are leading us to believe that it is perfectly ‘normal’ to judge each other. The more we buy into this and compare ourselves to nearly unattainable ideals, that is, to look like skinny fashion models, have flawless beauty, everlasting youth and wear designer clothing, the more we tend to judge ourselves for not being perfect and the more others around us will ‘mirror’ this back to us.

Yet we all know people who are far from perfect physically, but who radiate such inner beauty, confidence and charisma that we are drawn to them like a magnet.

Would you like to have charisma too? Anyone can have it! The truth is that your deep-seated negative beliefs about yourself (I’m not good enough, I’m useless, I don’t deserve this, etc) are unconsciously incorporated into your presentation of yourself to others. Because everyone we encounter is our ‘mirror’, these beliefs become even more ingrained in us when we receive negative ‘vibes’ from our environment. We are especially sensitive to the feedback from others, because we are constantly indoctrinated by the media. For instance, we would only be OK once we attain perfection, in other words NEVER! The media is of course also a big mirror reflecting our collective negative beliefs to ourselves. If only we can understand the ‘message’ from all these mirrors, we can free ourselves and break the vicious cycle forever.

Are you perhaps cloaking your true value in unflattering garments, because deep down, you feel you are worthless, unlovable, or not good enough? Alternatively, are you perhaps so obsessed with your own image and insist on wearing only the latest, most expensive designer labels, because you feel inadequate otherwise?

So, we all know that beauty should come from within, but we are visual beings!

Research has proved that humans retain visual imagery for much longer than any other sensory imagery.

Why not use this trait of being ‘visual’ to your own advantage? By learning to love what you see in the mirror, you are taking a huge step in the right direction. The more you affirm your true beauty and self-worth on a daily basis, the more you will start transforming those false perceptions and beliefs you hold about yourself. It is a way to build up your self-esteem, from the outside inwards. Best of all, you can have a lot of fun while doing it too! Your goal: to become the best possible version of your true self.

Are you ready for the transformation?

The following summarizes our first important Key. Take action now and turn your goals into reality!

Key no 1: As humans we judge each other as a result of constantly judging ourselves.

Goal: To love my own mirror image and build my self-esteem from outside inwards. This way I will become less critical of myself and others.

Action: Affirm my true beauty and self worth every day, preferably in the mirror.

Due Date: This is for you to fill in.

Learn more about this key and other keys by buying Suzaan's ebook.

Copyright 2009 Suzaan is an Image Consultant, EQ specialist and Lifestyle Counsellor. For more information on Suzaan’s services, please visit www.twrcc.co.za/affiliations-style-consultant.html. She offers online/telephonic sessions for those living outside South-Africa. Follow the above link and click on ‘Estilo Image Sessions Options’.