It's Not My Fault by Jane Thurnell-Read

It’s very easy not to take responsibility for what happens to us. I was reading a story recently that made me laugh and also made a valuable point. A man who had started practicing Buddhism decided to ask for guidance from a leading teacher. He went to the teacher’s office, and he was immediately ordered to lift a large table standing by the door. He was somewhat taken aback but tried to do it, without success. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” he said. “It’s too heavy.” “No, “the teacher corrected him. “It’s not too heavy – you’re too weak. The table’s weight is the table’s problem. The fact that you can’t lift it is yours.” (Richard Causton The Buddha in Daily Life)

It’s easy to feel we don’t succeed because of problems beyond our control:

•  “I would be able to lift this table if it wasn’t so heavy.”
• “I would be healthy if I didn’t have these dreadful genes.”
• “I would be happy if I lived somewhere else” 
• I would get promoted, if my boss recognised my full worth."
• "I would be happy if my husband/wife acted differently."

It is clear that a lot of the problems we see as beyond our control in reality aren’t. Often it’s easier to blame the world or our parents or our co-workers or our boss for what happens rather than look at what we have done. Disappointment and frustration can be signals for valuable learning experiences, but many of us just reach for alcohol or drugs or blame someone else.

When you hear top athletes speak, they often say things like: “I can’t worry about how well other athletes are going to perform – that’s not under my control. I need to concentrate on my own performance.”

To be successful, fulfilled and happy it’s important to see what you can change and what you can’t. It is of no value to blame outside events and people for your own weakness, nor is it any use fretting and worrying about evetns and behaviour that you cannot change.

So concentrate on yourself, see yourself as responsible for your own destiny, see how you create your own good luck, your own truth and your own reality. But know also that your reality is going to be affected by others and that there will be things that you have no control over. Live your life and focus on what you can change, what you can control. Let the rest be as it is – worrying and fretting won’t change it.

Copyright 2009 Jane Thurnell-Read | Healthy Living Online