The True Gift Of Love by Kim Leatherdale, ATR, LPC

Looking for the perfect gift for someone you care about? Try giving them a truly unique part of yourself, the truth. So often we withhold what we are thinking or feeling from others for fear of hurting them. We have been taught “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything,” and we think it is kindness. However, sharing your truth with tact is the ultimate gift you can give to someone.

Consider giving the truth to someone who asks you for feedback instead of telling them what you think they want to hear. For example, the friend who asks you if they are irritating, and you say no, despite their tendency to irritate you in some way. When someone asks for your opinion about themselves and you don’t give them an honest answer, you steal the chance they have to make a change. That friend may irritate others in the same way, but has no idea why others avoid him or her. Worse yet is when you think something and react to someone, and don’t tell them why you are reacting; such as avoiding the irritating friend. Your truth is given so they can learn how others may perceive and respond to them.

The truth gift depends upon the fact that real love and caring mean speaking your mind in a respectful manner. Respect involves honoring the person you are sharing with and honoring your truth. My supervisor, Lisa, has a rule she starts her clients with when learning to tell the truth; “At the very least, be neutral.” To be neutral with the irritating friend answer, “everyone can be irritating sometimes.” When you feel comfortable enough, you can say, “I care for your friendship, and I find it most difficult when you….”

Lisa calls this “leading with a gift.” I call it wrapping the whole gift up as a respectful package, your truth. What better thing to share with the ones you love?

Copyright 2008 Kim Leatherdale, ATR, LPC is a licensed professional counselor with a practice in Pluckemin, NJ. If you have any questions for her, please e-mail her at or call her office at 908-256-4779 (USA).