What Do You Really Think About Yourself? by Julia Armstrong

Always think in terms of self rather than other. I don’t mean not doing things for others, I mean the times when we start to talk about other people and how we don’t like what they are doing, or we gossip about them or find fault and criticism, or maybe we blame and project that this person has done such and such to us. Instead, seek to understand why we are attracted to certain people and situations, what it is that we are putting into the mix. Why, perhaps, do we attract people to us who ‘always let us down’, or ‘expect too much’, or are critical or judgmental? And on the other hand, be curious and interested in the fact that you have around you people who are celebratory and encouraging, who help you achieve your goals and dreams, who love and support you.

What do you really think about yourself? Do you expect to be valued and listened to – encouraged and celebrated for being you; or do you expect to be ‘told off’ – to be corrected and judged, abandoned and left to your own devices? Starting to notice patterns in your thought and behaviour is the first step to unravelling them. Instead of operating without knowing why - ‘it just happened…’, ‘it was fate…’ - living with consciousness means you can take control and responsibility for what happens to you.

Become conscious of your own self talk – the chatter that goes on in your head, your reactions to events and to other people and situations. Once you are tuned in to listening to what you habitually say to yourself, you can take charge and notice how much of your self talk is negative and reflects beliefs and stories that are not applicable to what you desire for yourself. From here you can rewrite your script, change the habitual negative thoughts and responses and replace them instead with positive supportive ones.

Become aware of what you need and what you want to attract into your life and you will become more likely to find people who affirm these ways of being and thinking. Look at what and who you are attracted to, and why, rather than pointing the finger at the other if they don’t match up!

We work much better if we work together, in partnerships and teams and groups. It is so much easier and more fun to strive for our dreams with others alongside us. We all respond to encouragement and validation. Positive coaching is far more effective than its opposite, looking at what isn’t working all the time and berating yourself for your failures. Not that things that aren’t working shouldn’t be addressed, but this is done much more effectively from a positive position. A disappointment or failure can be re-framed into a movement towards success and fulfillment - ‘It didn’t work as well as I hoped this time, but it is a step nearer my goal, and I have learnt valuable lessons...’

The more conscious you are and the more determined you are to live out your highest expression, the more you will be in command of who you choose to be in your life – who you choose to be your friends and partners and your colleagues. Pay attention to clearing unresolved pain and wounding from the past that may be blocking this process.
Any goal is much more fun if there is co-creation, if you have friends to run with or go to the gym with, if you have friends to prepare a party with, a wedding, a seminar, a business venture. It is more fun working together and much easier if you make a plan and then create deadlines and meetings, time to meet up, times to write up things, time to run together, time to chill together, time to celebrate your success, time to work extra hard. The flow of your own life programme will work better if you get a good team around you.

Write your name at the top of the page – ‘Project -----’. Then write down all the things you would like to achieve or experience in the next year and then start to think who will be your team, your network of support. What do you need to live as you dream? Who can help you? What can they offer you? Project manage yourself and you will be astounded by the results!

Copyright 2008 Julia Armstrong - Relationship Therapist.
Julia has worked with people for over thirty years as a relationship coach and therapist. Her skills lie specifically in enabling people to have healthy and happy relationships with themselves and others. She is an Educator for the Imago model of relationship therapy, which is a powerful tool - championed by Oprah! - in enabling people to really listen to one another and validate and value their differences. Julia's work leads others towards real connection, healing and personal growth, allowing relationship to become a place to experience living with more joy and creativity. www.juliaarmstrong.com